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April 19, 2011

Dream A Little Dream

dad-daughter

There’s one thing made me happy as I woke up this morning. I remembered that I’d just got a dream about my dad again. This is the second time I got dreams about him in the past two days, twice in a row. I was and still am so happy and glad. Eventhough, I know it’s only just a dream.

In my first dream, yesterday, I dream about he and mom, having lunch in a restaurant, then I came and joined them. We ate fish and as usual, Dad always took the head and the tail of the fish. He really liked it. And that was it.. It was only a short simple dream, but that’s enough to make me happy.

Then the second dream I had last night was, there’s somehow a miracle happened. It was in the hospital, my daddy who was sick and comma in ICU room, suddenly awoke and revived again. I came into his room, saw him smiling peacefully to the relatives and the people around and then he saw me, I saw him, and I cried and ran to him, told him I really love him and hugged him tight. He also did the same, he hugged me really tight. He smiled at me, I saw him smiling at me so happily. It’s like he’s also happy to see me again. I really am glad.

Hugging him for one last time has always been my wish for I never got the chance to. I am so glad to have this dream, I’m truly relieved. He has fulfilled my wish, he came into my dream, he hugged me, and I told him I love him. Eventhough it’s only a dream and maybe some people say that dream is only our own imagination or the effect of our subconscious mind, but I don’t care. All I know is I got my daddy came to my dream, I got the chance to hug him, I got the chance to say how much I love him. But there’s also a sad thing about the dream, somehow while I was hugging him, there’s a realization inside me telling me that it was just a dream. I was quite disappointed at that time, cause I then realized that it was too much, it was to good to be true, I realized that my dad has already gone, this couldn’t be true. And that just is. :’(

Another heartbreaking thing happened to me this day is, when I was in my mom’s room, I opened her drawer and saw my daddy’s wallet. I’ve seen it there for some quite of time, but I’ve never touched or even opened it before. The only few times when I opened it is when I asked for money to him, but it was so long long ago.. Then, when I opened it, I directly burst into tears, I couldn’t stand it, couldn’t hold it. The reason was, my daddy, turned out to save my photo inside his wallet. It’s another fact that I’ve never known about him. He saved and kept the photos of his children inside it, my sister’s, my brother’s, and mine. He saved it there and carried it wherever he went. I never knew about this thing, I didn’t even know that he took that photo of mine from me and kept it in his wallet. I was so touched, I cried loudly and I couldn’t stop cause that makes me regret my bad behavior towards him more than ever. I was so bad, I was being such a bad daughter to him, but he still loved me anyway. He carried the photos of his children anywhere as a reminder about his family. He loved us very much. It breaks my heart.

Once, during my elementary time, I’ve ever said to my friends some stuffs about my future husband. I said, one day when I get married, I want a husband just like my dad. The reason I gave them at that time was because my dad could do anything, I told them I want a husband who’s as great and as wonderful as my dad. I want a husband who can do so many many things as my dad. I said. “Yeah, my daddy is so great! He can so do many things, he can fix many broken things. Isn’t he cool? I want a husband like that!” Remembering this thing makes me think again, I never regret saying that to them, instead I’m so proud. I’m so proud that when I was a child I have already realized that my daddy is some kind of great man, super man. I’m so proud to say that. Until now, I still won’t change what I’ve been said. I still want to have a husband as great as my dad, I want to have a husband as hardworking as daddy, I want a husband who’s as caring and always give showers of love to his family, even until his last breath. Until his very last second, he still love every single of us, I believe that. He never hate people, he’s always kind to everyone, he always smiled even to strangers, he cared about his family and his children so much. I want a husband who’s as wonderful, as terrific, as lovely, as impressive as my daddy was.

Love you, daddy.

Une grande partie de l'amour, ta petite fille.

xoxo

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