Don't mean to be snobbish, but yes, today is my birthday. I'm getting older now and as I'm a year older, I'm getting closer to the 20-ish age. That's why I call it as the edge of adolescence cause now I'm officially 19th years old. Well, in this birthday I just wish to be a better girl, to be wiser.
However, there's a big difference this year, there's no more that one person. If you read my previous posts, I bet you must have known whom that person is.... If your answer is my Daddy, yes, you're right. When the clock nearly stroke 00.00 last night, I went to his room, slept on his bed, on his side, his pillow. And few moments after it went 00.00 and my friends began to give birthday greetings to me, I cried. I cried heavily, cried so hard on my father's pillow. I cried cause he isn't here anymore, I cried because this is the first birthday since he's gone and I don't feel like celebrating it at all. Not when he's not here. For about 2 hours I stayed there, recalling all of those memories we'd spent together, remembering the things he'd done to me. And I remember that last year I still got a birthday greeting from him, but now, no more.
In the morning, mom texted me and saying happy birthday to me. Right at that time I suddenly burst into tears again. Mom has greeted me, so did sis, then when will dad greet me? When will he wish me a Happy Birthday?? I really miss him terribly bad. I just can't get over it and I don't think I will ever. I went again to his room, cried heavily again, screaming for his name, begging him to come and meet me. But there's still no answer, as predicted. That fact's really choked me. It still hard to accept it.
This birthday feels even more different as mom didn't cook me the usual birthday dish, what we called as misua, cause there's no more dad who usually bought and chopped the chicken and the cooking ingredients. Instead of misua mom made spaghetti for us. Well, at least it still counts as noodle, eh..
If I were to describe this day, I won't describe it as a wonderful one, nor the cheerful one or a happy one. Instead, for me today is a full of tears day cause I just can't stop crying everytime I remember about him and how he's not here anymore to spend my special day together, with me. When my friends tried to cheer me up, instead of getting better I cried evenmore. When they cheered me, I had to pretend that I'm okay, I had to agree with'em, I had to say this and that which I didn't mean at all. I'm just pretending to be happy and make them believe that I'm fine.
However, I'm so grateful to have friends like them. I really am so grateful to those people who spent their little time to wish me happy birthday, to care a little bit about me. I'm so thankful to have the friends who always support me in however my condition is. I'm happy to have them, I feel blessed to know them. And I'm glad to know that they care about me. Thank you guys for all the things you've done to me. I deeply appreciate it.. Love you all always. :)
Here are some of the wishes I got via BBM. Such lovely people I got. ♥
LOL!! that "luar biasa idiot" really got me laughing so hard! hahaha
from the coolest assistant lecturer! haha he sent me a happy birthday voice note..
awwww (з´⌣`ε) LOL!
Look at'em... I have the sweetest friends ever. :')
Ahh and during my Birthday dinner with my fam, suddenly my friends came and gave me surprise.. That makes me feel more grateful and blessed to have friends like them. They have successfully made my day! I feel happier than before, knowing I have friends who still truly care about me. I have friends who always stand by me through whatever. Thank you so much guys. I love you forever and always dear Bebek Terbang. *hugs and kisses*